I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
