My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
