So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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