After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
