So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
