I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
