Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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