never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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