And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
