i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
