so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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