i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
