I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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