Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
