dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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