Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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