We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
