"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
