Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
