my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
