I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
