There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
