So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
