y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
