At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
