Im at strip club and am horny
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
