Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
