i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
