So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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