I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cut my penus on the lid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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