so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
