Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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