i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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