i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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