do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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