New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
