My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
