He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
