in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
