I hate your face
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
