the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
