He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
