Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
