Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
