I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no, he came in my armpit
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
