Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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