Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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