i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
