i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm passing your future prison.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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