how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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