It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
