id be glad to
Michael Bay diarrhea
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He did a backflip because drugs
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