You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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