Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
