I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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