in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
