I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
