If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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