I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
