So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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