Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize