i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
