last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
