Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
