not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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