First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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