there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
