dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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