I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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