I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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