I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
